Saying Goodbye to a Toxic Relationship: The Hard Truth About Tough Love

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It’s one of those necessary evils of being a social creature. We get into relationships that start great but slowly degrade into only remembering the happy times instead of making new happy memories. Toxic relationships are becoming more and more prevalent, and it’s time we said enough. I recently walked away from my toxic relationship with my best friend. We were best friends for years, but we grew in separate directions. The only happy conversations we had were remembering our previous adventures. After a while, we knew it was time to take our own paths away from each other. But, how do you know when you’re in an unhappy relationship?

One Quick Note:

While I am a student pharmacist and studying to be a health care professional, I am not providing any medical advice in this post. I am sharing my story of something I recently have gone through to hope that others do not wait to make a change for happiness.

What is a toxic relationship?

First, I want to define what a relationship is for today’s post. To me, a relationship and any connection you have with someone else. This can be from a friend you just made to a romantic partner you’ve had for most of your life. Regardless of where your relationship falls on that spectrum, it’s hard to walk away from someone with who you have a connection.

Second, I want to give you my definition of toxic. There are plenty of other definitions out there and plenty of people that will tell you how to identify and fix toxic relationships. (Don’t believe me? Check out this Pinterest search.) Toxic to me is when anyone continuously puts you down and makes you question if you are enough, even after you have mentioned how you are feeling. Quite simply, if you are unhappy with how you are being treated (as in you are no longer being respected), that qualifies as toxic in my book.

My toxic relationship story

This is a story I’ve been debating on telling, just because I was afraid of hurting anyone’s feelings. I now know that if I don’t share my stories from my life, history repeats itself, and I don’t want others to suffer the ways I have. (Also, I made a New Year’s Resolution to be more honest about my feelings) As I stated before, the toxic relationship I recently said goodbye to was with my best friend. We have known each other for many years now, saying goodbye to that friendship wasn’t easy.

It wasn’t your typical friendship, though. In high school, we developed feelings for each other and dated for almost 2 years. When we realized we wanted different things in a romantic relationship, we agreed to go back to being just friends. It was tricky, but we tried our best to make it work for us. For the most part, it did work. That is until I decided I was ready to start dating again.

That’s when it all changed.

After I went on my first (and only) date with another guy, our entire friendship changed. Now, I need to mention that he was in a romantic relationship for a while, and although I wasn’t happy about who he chose to date, I was supportive and was there for him when he needed to talk to someone. After I went on a date, our conversations went from meaningful exchanges to short, one-word answers to questions. I knew something changed, and I was beginning to feel inadequate. It wasn’t the words that were being said (or lack of words). It was the actions of how he was interacting with me. I felt like an annoyance to him, so I told him so.

We had a conversation about where we both were in our lives, and we came to a consensus that it was time to take a break from our friendship. I say take a break because we agreed to be available for super hard times coming up (we both had anniversaries of traumatic experiences coming up shortly after this conversation). Relatively few people know of how these experiences affected us. We also hope that someday our paths will cross again, and we will rekindle our friendship.

Why leave such an important person?

I would be lying if I said my and my friend hadn’t been through a lot together. He was the Alex to my Meredith, and leaving each other behind was probably harder than breaking up. So why make that choice to walk away?

The answer is simple: Happiness. All either of us wanted for each other was to be truly happy. For me, I’m stressed with schoolwork piling up and having new responsibilities to make sure I fulfill. I was running myself into the ground, trying to make time for everything. I knew I had to let go of some things, and after praying and praying about it, I knew what needed to be done. My happiness was more important than staying comfortable.

The aftermath

Right after the decision to say goodbye to our toxic relationship, I was pretty depressed. I was so upset about losing my best friend. I talked with my therapist, who told me that grieving after breakups of any kind is normal. It may have just been a friendship, but we had been in each other’s lives for quite some time. Letting go of someone is difficult, and it’s okay to grieve that relationship. (BTW, if you don’t already have a therapist, know how to find one. You never know when your world is going to turn upside down).

It’s been about a month since we went our separate ways. Of course, I still wish things would have turned out differently because he was a great friend who would listen to me complain any time of day. I hope he has found all the happiness he deserves. I know I’m well on my way to finding my happiness.

Wrapping things up

I hope sharing my story will help someone in a similar situation gain the courage to be happy. If you are moved to share your story with me, please send me a message on my Contact Me page.

As always, if you like this post and want to stay up to date, follow me on Instagram (@averylivinglife) and Pinterest (username: averylivinglife) for news and updates on my adventures!

If any part of this post is causing you to think of leaving a relationship, I suggest talking with a certified counselor or another medical professional for guidance on the subject. They would be able to guide you in your specific situation better. If you are in an abusive relationship, please find professional help or call The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-HELP). No one deserves to stay in a relationship where they are abused or disrespected.